Post by gamedave on Apr 4, 2009 22:34:36 GMT -5
At the risk of making you feel singled out for abuse, I'd like to offer some constructive criticism.
Megaton
He seems designed for a world with an alternate history - which is fine, if that's what you're going for. Watchmen, Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Warren Ellis' New Universal, and others have featured alternate histories. If you're going for a classical superhero world, where history and politics have followed the same broad outlines as our real world, Megaton (overthrowing the KGB and the Soviet leadership) is out of place. For further thought: in your alternate history, did the U.S.S.R. dissolve in 1991 as it did in our world? If so, how does that mesh with Megaton's history? If not, how did the Cold War play out in the 1990s and 2000s?
Also, Megaton seems very generic. Of course, if that's what you're going for, an archetypal foreign despot/massively powerful metahuman villain, he's perfectly fine - although his origin seems a little convoluted and doesn't seem to have much of anything to do with his powers.
Finally, a minor quibble - a "megaton" is not a measure of energy. The explosive yield of nuclear weapons are often measured in megatons, which you correctly refer to in the "Powers" section as being equivalent to the force of a million tons of TNT. But saying "a megaton of energy" is meaningless.
Scarlet Fever
This is my favorite. She's a great combination of original and classic comic book ideas. Although some *cough*Mike*cough* may complain about being made to feel bad for a villain, I like the complexity of a psychologically damaged character, an abused woman, whose own powers make her condition worse. That's a pretty nifty NPC.
So, on to the criticisms. Earth, air, fire, and water are not "the core energy sources" - they are the four Greek Classical Elements, which have become a mainstay of most Western mystical systems, and familiar to the general public. Of course, in your world, they might well be the "core power types" of metahuman energy and matter manipulators. If that's the case, your emphasis on explaining how and why Scarlet Fever manipulates heat rather than fire makes some sense. Otherwise, it's pretty irrelevant. There's no actual reason, even in comic book tradition, why a metahuman would necessarily need to project fire rather than heat.
Unknown Commando
Ugh. That name needs some work. Unless you're intentionally going for a cheesy Golden Age feel. Even in that case, though, it's still too similar DC's the Unknown Soldier. Also, the term "commando" is only about a century old, dating back to the Boer War of the 1890s. So, between "the Unknown Praetorian" [really?] in the Roman Empire and "the Unknown Commando" in the twentieth century, what was he known as? The logical choice would seem to be "the Unknown Soldier", which, unless you're intentionally trying toinfringe the copyright of respectfully reference a classic DC character, is not a very good idea.
I like the origin and back story. Given that irl, late in the Empire's history, the Praetorian Guard did make and unmake emperors, and to some extent also did manipulate them, the idea of the "Unknown Praetorian" doing the same makes some sense.
Finally, a merc with a mouth? Really? Just seems a little too close to Deadpool.
Maximus
Wow. That is one hell of a convoluted background. Positively SuC-ey. It just seems way too involved to get where you want to be. And frankly, I'm not sure where that is. I get where you're going, more or less, with all of the other characters, but what are you doing with Maximus? A morally gray, not-quite-a-villain corporate CEO is a perfectly valid character concept, and can add quite a lot to a campaign, but I'm not quite sure what you want to do with this guy. Why does he need pheromones and the ability to enhance metahuman abilities? And how successful a CEO can a guy be when the fact that he is a metahuman is that freakishly obvious? Nobody takes precautions against the powers of the unnaturally successful ruthless businessman with blue skin when they deal with him? Or sues him for mental assault?
Oh, and he cured AIDS? As just kind of a minor aside in his back story? I personally don't like alternate history supers, but a lot of other people do, so I can't really argue against it based on anything other than personal idiosyncratic preference. Still, as with the overthrow of the U.S.S.R. in Megaton's back story, you might want to consider what impact a cure for AIDS would have on the world. At the very least, it seems being the guy who cured AIDS would have a little more impact on him, how he is perceived, and his role in the campaign than you seem to allow for.
Whiteskar
Speaking of convoluted origins...Actually, this one isn't that bad. I like that he has some psychological complexity, so that he isn't just evil for the sake of being evil - he actually has some motivation. But does he really need psionic illusions, ninja skills, and darts that can temporarily neutralize metahuman abilities? A ninja with psionic illusions? Cool (kind of like Manslaughter from The New Defenders). A ninja with darts that neutralize metahuman powers, rendering powerful metahumans vulnerable to an ordinary ninja-to? Cool (although it does beg the question why everyone isn't using them). But together? Kind of seems like random overkill.
Costumes
Megaton - I still can't see him. I know you think it's my monitor, but I've tried viewing him on a couple of different monitors, and adjusting the brightness and contrast, and the picture is just too murky.
Scarlet Fever - It looks cool - sexy and deadly at the same time. Unfortunately, it's basically just Witchblade's "costume" colored red. The whole organic metal thing doesn't really fit her character, either. Maybe something similar, but with normal fabric? And yeah, I realize you're dealing with a limited set of available options in CoH/V, so maybe that's the closest you can come to a tattered, shredded outfit, which is maybe what you're going for? I do like the eye make-up instead of a traditional mask, and the overall effect is cool.
BTW, compare Scarlet Fever to Flaming Jane on the cover of GURPS Supers Second Edition:
Unknown Commando - murky picture and bad angle preclude an opinion (I totally get why you went with that angle, and, yeah, it's a cool bad-ass shot, but I can't really see much of the costume).
Maximus - Blue guy in a business suit. Got it. BTW, are you aware that blue skin, white hair, mind control pheromones has been done before? The Corruptor, an enemy of Marvel's Nova.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corruptor
He wasn't a medical genius corporate CEO who could augment metahuman abilities, though. He could just teleport and shoot eye beams for no apparent reason.
Whiteskar - Coolest costume by far. Ninja-esque and yet super hero-y. And good continuation of the white scar theme throughout the rest of the costume.
Megaton
He seems designed for a world with an alternate history - which is fine, if that's what you're going for. Watchmen, Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Warren Ellis' New Universal, and others have featured alternate histories. If you're going for a classical superhero world, where history and politics have followed the same broad outlines as our real world, Megaton (overthrowing the KGB and the Soviet leadership) is out of place. For further thought: in your alternate history, did the U.S.S.R. dissolve in 1991 as it did in our world? If so, how does that mesh with Megaton's history? If not, how did the Cold War play out in the 1990s and 2000s?
Also, Megaton seems very generic. Of course, if that's what you're going for, an archetypal foreign despot/massively powerful metahuman villain, he's perfectly fine - although his origin seems a little convoluted and doesn't seem to have much of anything to do with his powers.
Finally, a minor quibble - a "megaton" is not a measure of energy. The explosive yield of nuclear weapons are often measured in megatons, which you correctly refer to in the "Powers" section as being equivalent to the force of a million tons of TNT. But saying "a megaton of energy" is meaningless.
Scarlet Fever
This is my favorite. She's a great combination of original and classic comic book ideas. Although some *cough*Mike*cough* may complain about being made to feel bad for a villain, I like the complexity of a psychologically damaged character, an abused woman, whose own powers make her condition worse. That's a pretty nifty NPC.
So, on to the criticisms. Earth, air, fire, and water are not "the core energy sources" - they are the four Greek Classical Elements, which have become a mainstay of most Western mystical systems, and familiar to the general public. Of course, in your world, they might well be the "core power types" of metahuman energy and matter manipulators. If that's the case, your emphasis on explaining how and why Scarlet Fever manipulates heat rather than fire makes some sense. Otherwise, it's pretty irrelevant. There's no actual reason, even in comic book tradition, why a metahuman would necessarily need to project fire rather than heat.
Unknown Commando
Ugh. That name needs some work. Unless you're intentionally going for a cheesy Golden Age feel. Even in that case, though, it's still too similar DC's the Unknown Soldier. Also, the term "commando" is only about a century old, dating back to the Boer War of the 1890s. So, between "the Unknown Praetorian" [really?] in the Roman Empire and "the Unknown Commando" in the twentieth century, what was he known as? The logical choice would seem to be "the Unknown Soldier", which, unless you're intentionally trying to
I like the origin and back story. Given that irl, late in the Empire's history, the Praetorian Guard did make and unmake emperors, and to some extent also did manipulate them, the idea of the "Unknown Praetorian" doing the same makes some sense.
Finally, a merc with a mouth? Really? Just seems a little too close to Deadpool.
Maximus
Wow. That is one hell of a convoluted background. Positively SuC-ey. It just seems way too involved to get where you want to be. And frankly, I'm not sure where that is. I get where you're going, more or less, with all of the other characters, but what are you doing with Maximus? A morally gray, not-quite-a-villain corporate CEO is a perfectly valid character concept, and can add quite a lot to a campaign, but I'm not quite sure what you want to do with this guy. Why does he need pheromones and the ability to enhance metahuman abilities? And how successful a CEO can a guy be when the fact that he is a metahuman is that freakishly obvious? Nobody takes precautions against the powers of the unnaturally successful ruthless businessman with blue skin when they deal with him? Or sues him for mental assault?
Oh, and he cured AIDS? As just kind of a minor aside in his back story? I personally don't like alternate history supers, but a lot of other people do, so I can't really argue against it based on anything other than personal idiosyncratic preference. Still, as with the overthrow of the U.S.S.R. in Megaton's back story, you might want to consider what impact a cure for AIDS would have on the world. At the very least, it seems being the guy who cured AIDS would have a little more impact on him, how he is perceived, and his role in the campaign than you seem to allow for.
Whiteskar
Speaking of convoluted origins...Actually, this one isn't that bad. I like that he has some psychological complexity, so that he isn't just evil for the sake of being evil - he actually has some motivation. But does he really need psionic illusions, ninja skills, and darts that can temporarily neutralize metahuman abilities? A ninja with psionic illusions? Cool (kind of like Manslaughter from The New Defenders). A ninja with darts that neutralize metahuman powers, rendering powerful metahumans vulnerable to an ordinary ninja-to? Cool (although it does beg the question why everyone isn't using them). But together? Kind of seems like random overkill.
Costumes
Megaton - I still can't see him. I know you think it's my monitor, but I've tried viewing him on a couple of different monitors, and adjusting the brightness and contrast, and the picture is just too murky.
Scarlet Fever - It looks cool - sexy and deadly at the same time. Unfortunately, it's basically just Witchblade's "costume" colored red. The whole organic metal thing doesn't really fit her character, either. Maybe something similar, but with normal fabric? And yeah, I realize you're dealing with a limited set of available options in CoH/V, so maybe that's the closest you can come to a tattered, shredded outfit, which is maybe what you're going for? I do like the eye make-up instead of a traditional mask, and the overall effect is cool.
BTW, compare Scarlet Fever to Flaming Jane on the cover of GURPS Supers Second Edition:
Unknown Commando - murky picture and bad angle preclude an opinion (I totally get why you went with that angle, and, yeah, it's a cool bad-ass shot, but I can't really see much of the costume).
Maximus - Blue guy in a business suit. Got it. BTW, are you aware that blue skin, white hair, mind control pheromones has been done before? The Corruptor, an enemy of Marvel's Nova.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corruptor
He wasn't a medical genius corporate CEO who could augment metahuman abilities, though. He could just teleport and shoot eye beams for no apparent reason.
Whiteskar - Coolest costume by far. Ninja-esque and yet super hero-y. And good continuation of the white scar theme throughout the rest of the costume.
