Frustrating Player Types

[Derek Raines]

Based on a thread I started over at the Wizard boards, I found myself being guilty of nearly half of these! ;D The realization that gamers world wide deal with the same sorts of quarks was humorous and kind of refreshing. Still, it brought a level of self awareness to me and I hope to make a few changes myself to become a more positive player. They are strictly satirical and are not meant to offend anyone.

The "I should be DMing" Player

No matter what you do, this player thinks he can do it better. He voices it in game, sometimes under his breath and sometimes with little barbed jokes, and on those extra special occasions he pulls you aside and gives you suggestions on how to be better at DMing.

The Suck Up

This player needs to grow a pair. They do everything they can to suck up to you. Going above and beyond normal helpfulness, The Suck up tries to use his additional kindness as a bartering chip to gain favor in game.

The "I roll. I hit. I deal Damage" Player

This player doesn't care about RPing and Storyline. And I don't mean he doesn't keep up with the lineage of the lost elven kings, no. This player doesn't give his character a name and has 0 backstory, personality or drive. When RPing takes place, he usually plays with his phone, reads books or has side conversations as loudly as possible. When combat comes, his eyes glaze over and he prepares himself for D&D- he rolls, he hits, he deals damage.

The Smooth talking Power Gamer

This player is clever. He loves to power game, but he fears the nerf hammer so he presents his character concepts in a subtle way- trying to confuse you with backstory, fluff and reasons for taking the most busted powers. After several sessions you and the rest of the table realizes he is min/maxed out of his mind. When you pull him aside to discuss this with him, he calmly assures you he will tone down the character so it fits. The next week, he one shots your big boss.

The Sauce

Named after it's creator many DMs fear the act of Saucing. Saucing is when a player becomes bored or let down with his character and/or the player is forced to have his character do and interact in ways that he does not like. He then makes everyone suffer for it. Such examples of a good "saucing" might be brought on by the loss of a magical item, poor dice rolls, being taken prisoner or having a goal not immediately met. The player would then begin the Saucing. Classic Saucing is the actions of one player completely screwing over the rest of the party and the campaign in order to eliminate his player and roll a new one. Not content with simply bowing out, the Sauce forces everyone to take collateral damage as he explodes in on himself like a dieing star. Examples of saucing are ticking off an evil god in his realm of existence, screaming out loudly while the rogue attempts to sneak the party past an army of giants, firing blindly into the party with his longbow or giving the brutal and short tempered Orc King a wet willy.

[Derek Raines]

The Pouter

When this player doesn't get his way in game he melts down in to a pile of gooey negativity. The pouting could come about from something the DM has done or simply a run of bad dice rolls. He hates having his ideas shot down and when they don't work just as he describes them, his scowl shows you that he isn't happy. It doesn't matter if he is trying to leap a 40 ft chasm, kick off the Ogre's head while shooting his bow into 4 goblins, crushing a fifth as he lands- if it don't happen, he ain't happy. The Pouter brings down the entire mood with his sour grumbling and apathetic tone.

The Realist

The Realist believes that all things that happen in game should directly reflect the reality of modern day. Daggers should never be able to deal serious damage to one wearing full plate. Fireballs should cause smoke that would cause blindness and hacking coughs. Shouldn't we get a -4 because its morning and the sun might be in our eyes? Shouldn't the Dragons Cave have piles of crap as well as gold? I mean, he HAS to go to the bathroom, right?

The Show

The Show wants the game to be all about him. His background is diverse, his list of contacts and connected NPCs is vast and he does his best to shine at all times. Not content to merely be the leader and Face of a group during social encounters, he attempts to pull the DMs attention to his own interest so that the session becomes a game of 2 people. Other players may attempt to shine, but against the Show, there is little hope.

The Overlapper

The Overlapper wants it all. He doesn't care if your player wants to try and have a niche, he does his best to shoulder his way into your concept while still excelling in his own. Most often, the Overlapper is a powergamer and has found the loopholes required to do everything at once. So your Eladrin Wizard is a sage Historian and scholar of arcana? So is my Deva Barbarian, deal with it. And you aren't sure how he does it, but his skill rolls in your areas of expertise always seem higher than yours.

The New Hotness Junkie

So you've got this amazing story planned. Every character has worked hard to immerse themselves in your world and you have spent countless hours making sure each character's background and purpose is being recognized in each session- the characters are defined, known and essential to the story. All of a sudden a new book comes out. The New hotness junkie picks up the scent. It doesn't matter how much the character has invested in the world or how much your world has invested in him/her- The New Hotness junkie is sure to scrap his character and roll that awesome new elven bard he has been "always wanting to play." Of course, the next month comes with a new book, and the ugly cycle continues.

[Derek Raines]

The Devil's Advocate

It doesn't matter what plans are made in a group, the Devil's Advocate plays...well, Devil's Advocate. So what if the plans are fool proof, iron clad and guaranteed? So, all the guards have been knocked out, the traps disarmed and the golems slain? I don't know if we should go for the treasure guys...what if those gold coins are dirty and give us all head colds?

The Know it All

The Know it all knows more about your world than you do. Especially if you are playing in a known setting. (Like Forgotten Realms, Dragonlance ect.) He has read all the novels, comic books, gaming sources and even wears his old Ravenloft Limited Edition collectors shirt on gaming night to rub it in. If you try and put your own spin on the setting, or simply aren't as knowledgable as him, he'll let you know.

DM: The King stands and salutes you.
The Know it All: Actually, in the novel Swords of the Shiny Shine Knights, it clearly states in a sentence that the King never salutes on a Monday. I'm not sure if its a Monday in game time, but you might want to be careful.

The Stereotyper

This player plays every race and class with supreme use of stereotypes. His Dwarves talk in awful scottish accents and would kill their own mothers for an ale. His elves are arrogant, stuck up and hate everyone. His halflings steal everything, even if they are Paladins and his Orcs grunt to speak even with an Int of 18. Worst of all, he looks down on other players for having unique concepts often flipping to the PHB to read aloud the personality traits of the race in question.

The Treasure Monger

This player wants treasure. Not just his own, he wants the other players treasure too! He often wades through dungeons with various axes, bows, swords, pikes, daggers, wands, clubs, ninja stars and potions of every color hanging from his person. He always has an arguement for why his character may need an item and will not relent until he has had more than his fair share. The Treasure Monger lives to increase his power through items and will often ignore your plot, story and NPCs unless of course they bring him closer to the loot.

[Derek Raines]

The Dice Shark

This player is a sneaky fellow. He uses dice that are hard to read due to their style and color and often rolls away from the group to better disguise his clattering D20. He hits often and deals damage well. When observed he becomes very defensive and when asked to roll on the table, he may turn into the Pouter. See above for description.

The Horny Player

This player wants to have sex with everything he encounters. Be it barmaid, bard or bugbear, this player's goals are to woo, seduce or outright take advantage of your NPCs. The Horny Player can make the entire group uncomfortable with his attempted exploits and if his attentions are ever turned towards another player, its best to spray them down with a water hose.

The Mooch

The Mooch buys nothing but enjoys all. He never buys books, minis or throws in for Pizza but he reads every new hardback that comes out and never leaves a session hungry. The Mooch is also infamous for borrowing your gaming supplies and never returning them. When and if the planets align and your items return, they are in far worse condition than when you lent them out.

The "Chaotic Evil" Player

The CE Player lives for one thing. To be Chaotic and to be evil. Through every new campaign, his alignment template of being an absolute dick to all NPCs and PCs holds true and he will not rest until his twisted fantasies are met. Rest assured that nothing is sacred with this player. He may murder, steal, rape and pillage all he encounters and will often revert to a "Sauce" like tactic by trying to kill off the rest of the party that doesn't see his personal views on life. The CE Player tries to sooth the rest of the players "out of character" by explaining that his actions are "in character" and that he takes no personal pleasure. He is simply role playing. But the sinister twinkle in his eye states otherwise.

[Derek Raines]

The Forgetful

This player comes to a session having forgotten to bring his supplies. His dice cannot be found and he scrambles to piece a set together by snagging random dice from other peoples sets or he simply reaches over and rolls another players D20 when it is his turn. He often forgets his character sheet and has to chicken scratch his stats down on a napkin or piece of loose notebook paper. You can rest assure that the numbers he is using tonight are not the ones he had- or even legit for that matter.

The Accountant

This player takes the time to calculate how much XP is received per session and how much wealth each player has in gold and magic items. He is strict and uses the core books to support his demands for a structured flow of experience and wealth. If the party has more Items or Less than what he feels they should have at their given level he raises a stink. The Accountant may spend his free time looking through other peoples items and constantly comparing them to his own.

The Media Star

This player often has trouble separating fantasy from modern ideas found in media. He might come up with a concept where his Dwarven Fighter acts like Vin Diesel from Fast and Furious, or he wants his gnomish rogue to have the personality of James Bond. This isn't always a bad thing and can sometimes become humorous, but when he begins naming his characters after the stars and basing all of his in game decisions on their actions from the movie there can be bouts of friction. If you as a DM can't keep up with the player's style he insists you go to Blockbuster and check out Arnold in True Lies so you can better understand his character's motivation.

The Clown

This player takes nothing seriously in character. His concepts are always ridiculous, unrealistic and often disruptive. During a serious council of the local lords, The Clown may have his character constantly break wind and laugh out loud about it. When confronted with a genie after a year long campaign, the Clown may selfishly use the one wish the party gets to ask for a talking chicken rather than restore life to the local kingdom that was ravaged by plague. Nothing is sacred to him and when other players try and enjoy their own concepts he makes light of them and often ruins their interactions with NPCs from their past. The Show often has a hard time dealing with this player type because he threatens to steal the spotlight in all the wrong ways. Ironically, the Clown is very defensive over his player concept and if isn't allowed to play his character exactly as he sees fit may revert to- The Pouter or the Sauce. See above for description.